He may not be the Real Steve Jobs, but the Fake Steve Jobs knows how to tell the truth about other things, as he does in a blog post he inaccurately calls "A boring rant" this week. Fake Steve nails the Secret Masters of Television to the wall, and I can't help but wonder if he's not channeling the Real Steve when he says things like:

You know what the new network is? It's me. I don't think people have quite figured this out yet, but just as Pixar was once a medical imaging company until I decided to make it into something completely different — ie, the most important entertainment company of the 21st century — so Apple is not really a computer company anymore, or even a consumer electronics company. We're a network. We take content and distribute it out to millions of people, who play it on handhelds (sold by me) and computer screens (ditto) and yes, maybe, sometimes, on actual TV sets. At one end of the value chain, the consumer end, people have already voted. They like my system better than yours.

NBC/Universal, meanwhile, has run down the street to put their shows on Amazon.com's Unbox service, thus proving that when the going gets tough, the dimbulbs get going to a download service whose fate was sealed when it was universally (see what I did with that pun there?) dismissed as underengineered and irrelevant the week it was introduced. Amazon Unbox and hulu.com — yeah, shakin' in our shoes, now, NBC. The NBC/Universalists apparently like Amazon Unbox because they are more pliable in their pricing structure, and because their ultra-restricted DRM scheme fits better with the whole "we-will-control-your-lifestyle" philosophy that make the dinosaurs comfortable and secure in the short time left before that mucking big asteroid finally hits.

Tomorrow's Apple Event may not quite bring the planet-killer that is overdue for the TV industry, but Apple doesn't trot out announcements at a venue the size of Moscone Center just to let us know that the iPod Hi-Fi is saying Bye-Bye. Sure, there will be new iPods — everything from a new Product RED Shuffle to a phat video Nano to a ginormous iPhone-like touch-screen model at the top of the line. Yes, we're probably looking at the long-awaited Second Coming of the Beatles, courtesy of the iTunes Store. (Even the Real Steve can't resurrect John and George, though I'm betting he'd give Heaven and Earth and toss in his Gulfstream if he could manage it for even one day. But Sir Paul is still with us, as is the esteemed Mr. Starr. Hey, Jude, take a sad song and make it better. For the rest, all you need is Love...)

Goodness knows that's enough to keep the Faithful Fans and the Faithless Stockholders happy. But I have a strong feeling that there's One More Thing in store (and possibly In Store) tomorrow.  The CouchGuy is planning a weekend pilgrimage to the brand-new Apple Store in nearby Louisville, KY, just in case.

Close your eyes. Make a wish. Count to three.